How often do you feel really heard and get what you want? Great communication doesn’t always come naturally for everyone so I wanted to share with you a really easy way to succeed in communication.
Here are 3 great tips for better communication, for being heard and especially for being liked.
Imagine people have 3 invisible signs around their necks that say:
- Make Me Feel Special and Important
- What’s In It For Me? (…this one expands on the golden rule most of us know and women like Mary Kay Ash instilled into her consultants)
- Treat People The Way THEY Want To Be Treated (not just how YOU want to be treated)
Yes I know, #3 needs elaborating on because it’s not what most of us have learnt, but firstly we will start with #1 – Make the Other Person Feel Special.
#1 – People Don’t Care How Much You Know, Until They Know How Much You Care
Actually ladies, if you imagine all people are your responsibility (and of course do not carry that on your shoulders because they aren’t) it helps you to activate your nurturing maternal instinct. Or imagine they are your children. 😉 We of course will always make our children feel special and we will encourage them and we even sacrifice for them however we don’t want to go overboard and make sacrifices that cost us our health or anything but imagine that whilst building relationships whether it be in business, socially or in personal relationships. This is a great start because even when saying the wrong thing or saying accidental offending words, if it’s coming from the right place often is forgiven based on the relationship and the authenticism and care factor.
Women love to shop don’t we, but we know if the salesperson cares about our needs rather than just there own. Selling is something we are all doing all the time, even in relationships an idea to paint a room a certain color needs agreement so the better your communication the better your level of influence. Basically it’s just getting someone to say yes, to buy in, to agree or to like us, even if it’s just an idea you are selling to a partner, friend, colleague or client.
When we make another feel special we straight away eliminate barriers in communication which not only helps us avoid friction, it creates harmony. In relationships it’s what we want isn’t it ladies? To feel special in all our relationships. We love to hang with those who make us to feel special. We return to the people and environments where we feel important or special and we are drawn to it like a moth to flames. If we love to feel special, it makes sense that others do too. It really doesn’t take much time and it brings with it major rewards.
If you are the leader of a team and you keep selling to them your ideas and never take the time to get to know things about THEM, they are not likely to be as loyal and supportive as they could be. Give them your attention and really listen to them, learn their kids names and always ask after them. If you love them and create a ‘care factor’ culture in your team from the top down then they will all feel special and your team will be a success.
#2 – Happiness in Teams Create Successful Win / Wins
Treat everyone as if they are a dear friend who you are just getting to know. Even when cold calling if that’s a part of your job, talk to her as if she is a best friend who you haven’t talked to in ages. She will feel your warmth immediately and it will be much easier for her to say yes and you will get less resistence.
Ask people about THEM ‘FIRST’ and see the response you get. Listening more is a great way to make people feel special. Here are a few other ways:
- Eye Contact – looking around when someone is talking to you doesn’t make someone feel special.
- Respond according to what THEY are talking about – Ask a question that demonstrates you are listening by making it about what they have just been talking about. (eg. “Oh you are from Tasmania, what part of Tasmania?” or “Oh you have 3 kids, What’s their ages? What’s their names?)
- Read between the lines. If the person is fidgeting, maybe they would like to find a seat or if they’ve been long at work, ask them if they would like a cuppa or a water.
- Compliment them on something, anything. We all feel special when complimented.
- Smile with your EYES.
- Touch them- appropriately of course. When dealing with the same sex I think it’s ok to touch between the hand and elbow when expressing concern and care. Touch is almost a secret formula to making someone feel special.
- Number 2, What’s in it for me, refers to the human nature of being each a single individual when we are born. We all seek ‘Whats in it for me’ when dealing with others and life. It can feel like they are selfish if a conversation is one sided so make it all about them and you will win a new friend or 3 and likely get what you want for your courtesy care and patience.
- By finding out their needs first, you can gear your offer or future conversations around THEIR needs, your needs get met as a consequence you see so you can trust this way better than being focused on yourself because often that’s a turnoff.
- Number 3 is my favourite because it flies in the face of how most people do it. They say ‘treat people how you like to be treated’ but I think they mean only in courtesy and sometimes morally but even still, morals can differ amongst personalities. AND, often the other person is not like you at all. For example, a leader might offer a ‘white’ handbag as a thank you gift because they love white handbags. Ok it’s the thought that counts yes you may be thinking but if it’s a relationship of sorts, you lose the connection when demonstrate you don’t care with these small things.
- For example do you know the DISC personality/behavioural profiling system? If you don’t I will briefly explain in summary to make my next point. People often fall into one of these categories more predominantly that the others or perhaps 2 equally but usually have 2 that definitely don’t fit.
D is if you tend to be more of a dominant personality who likes to lead. If you were going on a long trip the D will want to drive the car. I is the person on the trip who brings the music and is late to show up but she is the social butterfly so all is forgiven. She can book a taxi to a party and not even know how she’s going to get home. S is the steady, slow to change very loyal and caring person who likes systems to run smoothly and everyone share the load equally else she gets very annoyed. On the road trip she will bring the sandwiches and pillows because she cares so much she can care too much and put others before herself. C is the conscientious and cautious one. She has the map and runs the logistics and crosses the t’s and dots the i’s. She doesn’t show alot of emotion and is prone to paralysis of analysis.
So if you are a strong D and dealing with an S and you are treating her how YOU like to be treated, is that really being considerate? If you are a C and you expect everyone else to dot the i’s and they don’t because they are an I personality style, look out, you will be very disappointed and without understanding and without expecting the other to change to be your style is the only way to function well together. Instead, allow and respect the differences of others and give a little leeway.
If someone is late for a date and you HATE that, get over it, not everyone cares a lot about such things. I used to get peeved when others did this to me but I calmed right down when I learnt about the DISC because in my head I would just say, oh well, she is likely an I or a D who will have a great excuse. Sure they should respect your time but they don’t even notice time. It’s just differing values or beliefs. Perhaps you can tell them you understand them and explain how you do value being on time but to be obsessive and insistent will not work.
#3 – THE ONE WITH THE MOST FLEXIBILITY IN COMMUNICATION WILL WIN EVERYTIME
So be flexible and not rigid and be a little grey and not so black and white (or dare I say ‘anal) about what you consider respect and when expecting from others. We are all different.
Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.
In regards to learning DISC, at Course Level 2 we teach a way better system as well as radically expand of DISC because how can you make money, build relationships and thrive without knowing people?
Massive belief in YOU, Maz xxx