Better Relationships at Work and Play

Better Relationships at Work and Play

make-me-feel-specialHow often do you feel really heard and get what you want? Great communication doesn’t always come naturally for everyone so I wanted to share with you a really easy way to succeed in communication.

Here are 3 great tips for better communication, for being heard and especially for being liked.

Imagine people have 3 invisible signs around their necks that say:

  1. Make Me Feel Special and Important
  2. What’s In It For Me? (…this one expands on the golden rule most of us know and women like Mary Kay Ash instilled into her consultants)
  3. Treat People The Way THEY Want To Be Treated (not just how YOU want to be treated)

Yes I know, #3 needs elaborating on because it’s not what most of us have learnt, but firstly we will start with #1 – Make the Other Person Feel Special.

#1 – People Don’t Care How Much You Know, Until They Know How Much You Care

Actually ladies, if you imagine all people are your responsibility (and of course do not carry that on your shoulders because they aren’t) it helps you to activate your nurturing maternal instinct. Or imagine they are your children. 😉 We of course will always make our children feel special and we will encourage them and we even sacrifice for them however we don’t want to go overboard and make sacrifices that cost us our health or anything but imagine that whilst building relationships whether it be in business, socially or in personal relationships. This is a great start because even when saying the wrong thing or saying accidental offending words, if it’s coming from the right place often is forgiven based on the relationship and the authenticism and care factor.

Women love to shop don’t we, but we know if the salesperson cares about our needs rather than just there own. Selling is something we are all doing all the time, even in relationships an idea to paint a room a certain color needs agreement so the better your communication the better your level of influence. Basically it’s just getting someone to say yes, to buy in, to agree or to like us, even if it’s just an idea you are selling to a partner, friend, colleague or client.

When we make another feel special we straight away eliminate barriers in communication which not only helps us avoid friction, it creates harmony. In relationships it’s what we want isn’t it ladies? To feel special in all our relationships. We love to hang with those who make us to feel special. We return to the people and environments where we feel important or special and we are drawn to it like a moth to flames. If we love to feel special, it makes sense that others do too. It really doesn’t take much time and it brings with it major rewards.

If you are the leader of a team and you keep selling to them your ideas and never take the time to get to know things about THEM, they are not likely to be as loyal and supportive as they could be. Give them your attention and really listen to them, learn their kids names and always ask after them. If you love them and create a ‘care factor’ culture in your team from the top down then they will all feel special and your team will be a success.

#2 – Happiness in Teams Create Successful Win / Wins

Treat everyone as if they are a dear friend who you are just getting to know. Even when cold calling if that’s a part of your job, talk to her as if she is a best friend who you haven’t talked to in ages. She will feel your warmth immediately and it will be much easier for her to say yes and you will get less resistence.

Ask people about THEM ‘FIRST’ and see the response you get. Listening more is a great way to make people feel special. Here are a few other ways:

  • Eye Contact – looking around when someone is talking to you doesn’t make someone feel special.
  • Respond according to what THEY are talking about – Ask a question that demonstrates you are listening by making it about what they have just been talking about. (eg. “Oh you are from Tasmania, what part of Tasmania?” or “Oh you have 3 kids, What’s their ages? What’s their names?)
  • Read between the lines. If the person is fidgeting, maybe they would like to find a seat or if they’ve been long at work, ask them if they would like a cuppa or a water.
  • Compliment them on something, anything. We all feel special when complimented.
  • Smile with your EYES.
  • Touch them- appropriately of course. When dealing with the same sex I think it’s ok to touch between the hand and elbow when expressing concern and care. Touch is almost a secret formula to making someone feel special.
  • Number 2, What’s in it for me, refers to the human nature of being each a single individual when we are born. We all seek ‘Whats in it for me’ when dealing with others and life. It can feel like they are selfish if a conversation is one sided so make it all about them and you will win a new friend or 3 and likely get what you want for your courtesy care and patience.
  • By finding out their needs first, you can gear your offer or future conversations around THEIR needs, your needs get met as a consequence you see so you can trust this way better than being focused on yourself because often that’s a turnoff.
  • Number 3 is my favourite because it flies in the face of how most people do it. They say ‘treat people how you like to be treated’ but I think they mean only in courtesy and sometimes morally but even still, morals can differ amongst personalities. AND, often the other person is not like you at all. For example, a leader might offer a ‘white’ handbag as a thank you gift because they love white handbags. Ok it’s the thought that counts yes you may be thinking but if it’s a relationship of sorts, you lose the connection when demonstrate you don’t care with these small things.
  • For example do you know the DISC personality/behavioural profiling system? If you don’t I will briefly explain in summary to make my next point. People often fall into one of these categories more predominantly that the others or perhaps 2 equally but usually have 2 that definitely don’t fit.
D.I.S.C.

D is if you tend to be more of a dominant personality who likes to lead. If you were going on a long trip the D will want to drive the car. I is the person on the trip who brings the music and is late to show up but she is the social butterfly so all is forgiven. She can book a taxi to a party and not even know how she’s going to get home. S is the steady, slow to change very loyal and caring person who likes systems to run smoothly and everyone share the load equally else she gets very annoyed. On the road trip she will bring the sandwiches and pillows because she cares so much she can care too much and put others before herself. C is the conscientious and cautious one. She has the map and runs the logistics and crosses the t’s and dots the i’s. She doesn’t show alot of emotion and is prone to paralysis of analysis.

So if you are a strong D and dealing with an S and you are treating her how YOU like to be treated, is that really being considerate? If you are a C and you expect everyone else to dot the i’s and they don’t because they are an I personality style, look out, you will be very disappointed and without understanding and without expecting the other to change to be your style is the only way to function well together. Instead, allow and respect the differences of others and give a little leeway.

If someone is late for a date and you HATE that, get over it, not everyone cares a lot about such things. I used to get peeved when others did this to me but I calmed right down when I learnt about the DISC because in my head I would just say, oh well, she is likely an I or a D who will have a great excuse. Sure they should respect your time but they don’t even notice time. It’s just differing values or beliefs. Perhaps you can tell them you understand them and explain how you do value being on time but to be obsessive and insistent will not work.

#3 – THE ONE WITH THE MOST FLEXIBILITY IN COMMUNICATION WILL WIN EVERYTIME

So be flexible and not rigid and be a little grey and not so black and white (or dare I say ‘anal) about what you consider respect and when expecting from others. We are all different.

Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.

In regards to learning DISC, at Course Level 2 we teach a way better system as well as radically expand of DISC because how can you make money, build relationships and thrive without knowing people?

Massive belief in YOU, Maz xxx

How You May Be Blocking Your Own Success

How You May Be Blocking Your Own Success

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You cannot take action if you don’t think you can do anything about your circumstances which is how labels bind us to hopelessness and inaction.

Could you be blocking yourself from the very life and success you desire by simply labeling yourself?

When considering labels I mean all labels in your life and these include the labels we sometimes give ourselves such as: dumb, stupid, worthless, useless or anything UN-empowering to you. Un-label yourself unless that label empowers you!

Labels are our way of bunching stuff together for easier cataloguing but it can end our search for better outcomes.

A label is a sentence, a closed book. Labels drown hope. There is then no reason to search for a better answer after all you found an answer in the label. That’ll do. That resolution is not very empowering is it? It is certainly easier to believe in the label rather than look within and outside for the solution, but the label is definitely less hopeful.

What about the label we put on ourselves such as ‘I am dumb’? It could be said that you are just doing the process of seeming ‘not knowledgeable’ at present. The word ‘am’ often follows with a label. Who said you are? According to whom? What belief is it that you must have to think something like ‘I am dumb’, that which does not serve you in a positive way?

If any statement makes you feel bad, STOP SAYING IT! IF you catch yourself and it’s too late, counteract it by saying five positive statements that are proof you were wrong, to contradict the original negative statement, and remove the decision to have the limiting belief with the exercise herein.

You could change the statement ‘I am dumb’ to its opposite. It is certainly harmless enough, in fact, it is vital if you want to be happy. What is truth anyway? Who’s version of it? It is only a lie if you don’t believe it to be true. The real lie is more likely to be that you are ‘dumb’ not than you are clever; you just wrongly believed it was true in the first place. You must start somewhere. Do it enough and it will become your empowering truth! Do it, you might like it.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, but with a label that light is a train, conversely, without a label that light is a ray of hope.

Oh, the lies you get to get away with now. You can tell yourself you are anything you ‘want’ to be. Always say it with a wonderful and positive image in your mind and feeling love in your heart, along with the same feeling you put inside of you when you know something good is true, and watch the miraculous changes happen in your life. Turn the imagined into the real.

Which comes first, the labelling or the belief? When you say you are stupid for example, do you then believe you are or did you believe it and then said it? It can be either because one creates the other. It’s reciprocal. That means you have the power to change it. Or would you rather believe in fate? Goodness knows where you will end up then. Where was fate taking me in my old life? I was choosing my past fate with my choices and negative energy. Make good fate happen to you. I choose to drive myself, you can too. Choose power over powerlessness!

I was labelled as having ulcerative colitis and epilepsy, which everyone knows do not just disappear because they are known to have no cure. The specialists and statistics say so, so of course it is hopeless to believe otherwise. My Clinical Professor Consultant Hepatogastroenterologist (that was his title, it is here on his letter of diagnosis) was so sure I had a life sentence that he was willing to put it in writing in case of hospitalisation when travelling. It states: ‘Marylin Schirmer was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis on March 2nd 2000 and remains a patient of mine requiring intensive treatment and supervision.’

When I turned the label into a process of ‘doing’ something, then it simply was that I happened to produce hundreds of ulcers in my colon. My diagnosis of Epilepsy was just that I happened to lose control of my body and my mind would blank out. They were a bunch of symptoms, not a label. This meant hope.

The only benefit of labelling is to look at what you have in common and not in common with other sufferers who ‘do’ similar symptoms well also. I am grateful for the positives that science does bring into the health arena. In many cases we find the bodily evidence through diagnostics to be able to detect problems such as my ulcers from my ‘ulcertative colitis’ by scans, before it is too late. That they can see inside a body has its benefits that’s for sure.

I haven’t had any symptoms or signs of those two diseases and have been blessed with more than a decade of not having to pay for the expensive medications, and remembering to take those damaging drugs that could reduce my lifespan, and possibly cause even more damage to my body by searching within and realising I was carrying a heavy resentment and anger for someone for the past year. I was literally ulcerating myself with my hate. When I addressed that issue, forgave and let go of that person my body just stopped making ulcers. Could my body have been simply giving me a sign and trying to get my attention by using the only communication it could? Could our mind and body be one?

Could my epilepsy I developed at 30 years old due to the fact I kept saying I was going to ‘block out’ my past and start my new life? Could my language have directed my body? Interesting to study the power of our language and how our body responds. Since I got my life kicked off and changed that language and also stopped smoking, no more fits. I took myself off Tegretol and that was almost 20 years ago now.

Obviously though, If I lost an arm in an accident I cannot will the arm back out of nothingness. The lessons though are not to stick new negative emotions in my body. Instead, get the learnings and next time I shall listen better to my UM. Life is about learning.

The ‘system’ assumes that ‘what is’ just ‘is’. Who said? Who knows your body best? Don’t give away your power, not totally. Every one of us is so unique that perhaps we could be the exception to the rule. I believe I am. When people give me statistics such as only 5% chance of success, I always believe that I fit into the best option for me, even if it’s a minority.

I would like them to keep searching with an open mind, and not ever get to where they think they have the answer to fixing the cause by only muffling the symptoms of a disease, with medication. If they remove the label first, the answer is more likely to appear.

Within infinity there is hope. Choose to be open to infinity, to endlessness and limitlessness.

Did something here hit home with you?

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